Sunday, November 18, 2012

I Need a Horse of the Apocalypse


This is a picture from USA Today.  This is how I imagine walking with my own horse to be.

 
      Ever since I was a little girl, I wanted a horse. My paternal great grandparents were large scale cattle ranchers and of course, accomplished horsemen.  My father had logged more time on a horse than on a bicycle as a boy. This did not mean I was getting a horse !   My brother had one for a short time when a neighbor gave him one, but eventually it was sent to a military base to be the horse of many children who lived at the base.  Despite being horse experts, every one of my relatives had been badly injured at some point in association with a horse.  My grandfather was in a coma for a time when he was thrown by a horse. My father was thrown as a youngster, and sustained multiple breaks in his arm, which, on occasion, bothered him for the rest of his life.  My father did not need to convince my urbanite mother. The consensus was that I did not need a horse.
         Then, I grew up and had a series of suburban homes where horses would not have been allowed. Then, after having four children, we bought and made two farms so my own children could enjoy animals.  We have now lived on one farm or another for fourteen years, and although we have raised and enjoyed alpacas, we have never had a horse.  My husband doesn't think I should get a horse.  He once heard of an accomplished horsewoman who got kicked in the head, quite accidentally, while caring for a favorite horse and who was killed instantly. He thinks that I don't need to tempt fate.   I say that we have barn and stall space in a lovely barn. We buy quality hay anyway for the alpacas.  The equine and farm vets come out here anyway, and some of them are friends.  I know not one, but three great farriers.  I already give the alpacas their shots, I can easily be taught to do the worming and the annual shots to a horse. I have friends who own really excellent race horses. Still, I have had to put this wish aside.
           This year has not been my year. I have had no less than seven episodes of symptomatic atrial fibrillation and I am not feeling as well as I did a year ago.  Fifty is not feeling particularly good to me.  Obama has somehow snared a second term at the presidency and this to me, means that that our nation is going to slide off a fiscal cliff whether Congress thinks they have fixed it or not.  This man does not do my heart any good at all !  Businesses I care about are going out, one by one.  I have worked like a dog this year and have not just one, but TWO books coming out this year, one of which you are aware, and another coming very soon.   Of course, this is a terrible time to launch anything, because no one has any money ! Even Barnes and Noble is ordering my books as orders come in, rather than buying a big stack !  I have had to give up even my rare caffeinated pepsi with lemon, and even chocolate due to the caffeine.  I am in no mood.  I have earned something from my bucket list !
             I have virtually given up my quest to get my own horse to ride.  I was overprotected unnecessarily, and now I really do have a reason to be skittish.  I can't do the same level of activity I did before should I trigger another episode of a-fib.


Look at how happy these humans with miniature ponies are !          No one is going to throw them, or kick them in the head ! (Photo: http://www.horse-games.org )
  

            This week, I had an opportunity to buy the sweetest little miniature pony.   He is about as tall as my waist and can pull a small cart.  I can reach everywhere on this adorable creature to do all the grooming. I am told by our friend the farrier, that his needs would be meager.  Still, my husband says, "No".     "We don't need more animals in a time where animal feed and hay is sky rocketing ", he insists.  "But honey",  I have said, "If I don't get a horse soon, then I will never have one.  I will even craft a farm evacuation plan for him".
My husband is content to let my chance to own a horse, even a tiny horse, slide by.   This might be my only chance to own a horse that I can really care for myself.   He would be my little pony while everything else I care about folds or closes in.  He could be my Apocalypse pony !   He could be my Horse of the Apocalypse !    Quick !  Someone e-mail my husband and intercede on my behalf, before the horse is sold !
           If I am lucky, I have distracted you and myself from all the issues and genuine challenges of this week. I think I can stop complaining now !  (Grin)

Update:  My husband and I went out to lunch this holiday weekend at Panera.  As we ate our soups and salads, he was making use of their wi-fi and using his phone.  He read this blog post from the phone, and told me that if I really want the horse, I can get it, but of course, I would be responsible for its care, feeding, farrier, and veterinary care.  I will check and see if it is still available.

Update:  Febriary, 2014:
I now have four horses that I have had for nearly a year.  The horses range from age 2 to 19 and are different varieties.  I have been true to my promise and I do all of the grooming, feeding, stall mucking, hoof picking, and I gather, pay for not only their food but visits from the farrier and the equine vet.  I do all the immunizations which are presently twice a year.  In addition, all four of them had their dental work done this year.  (Quite something.  I had never seen that done before.)  Not only is this hard work, but I am in better shape than I have been in years.   My husband likes them more than he will admit, but because he doesn't feed them, they won't give him the time of day !   The alpacas and other animals seem to be quite happy with them.



10 comments:

Anne Ollamha said...

Dear Mr. Jane:

Life is dangerous. Statistically speaking, having a horse is a lot less risky that riding in a car, giving birth to a baby, going through a lightning storm, living in a nice home (home invasion anyone?), flying in a plane... Well, I don't think I need to over-elaborate...

Don't crush Ms. Jane's dream.

Gorges Smythe said...

BUY THE DARN HORSE!

Matt said...

Dittos to what Gorges said !

JaneofVirginia said...

Thanks for the support everyone. He says I can have the horse, when he can have the boat he wants. This could take a while !

russell1200 said...

From a survival point of view, horses have some merit, but they require an enormous amount of food compared to many other animals that have a lot of uses (goats, cows-oxen). Historically, they have tended to be a luxery item. In the United States, the mule was generally the thoroughbreed of the working class.

Matt said...

Get him a miniature boat....

JaneofVirginia said...

Matt, I already have, but I am afraid his mid-life crisis is only going to be satisfied by a genuine boat that will allow him at least some time circumnavigating the globe. I have said, "Fine, if you can find one on Craig's list, then go, but you'll need to sign over everything to me before you leave, because when you are lost at sea, I am NOT waiting seven years in order to have you declared dead before selling this farm !" I think he expected more graceful cooperation on this, and so the pony is caught in the crossfire ! I don't think his employer would give him the time off though. LOL

JaneofVirginia said...

Russell, Exactly, and this is one of my husband's points. He says we have plenty of productive livestock and that Dexter cattle would be more useful than a horse, particularly a mini. I just say that he's lucky I don't want a micro mini pig I raise like a baby !

lotta joy said...

When I was ten, my horse was a pinto and large by large standards. If I slipped, or even tipped, in the saddle, he would come to a complete halt for fear I would fall. He certainly didn't want to step on me! He wasn't trained, just extraordinarily intelligent. I always told my dad "I will marry a man who will let me have as many animals and horses as I want."

A miniature shetland can be aggressive and quite a kicker and unpredictable unless purchased as a colt, then raised with constant gentleness. At that age, they are more the family pet than an equine.

JaneofVirginia said...

Lotta Joy, Thank you for your recollection of your pony. My little friend is still not sold, but my husband is still not willing to budge. I will keep working on him ! I did tell him that if I can't get my apocalypse pony that I might have to buy a micro mini-pig, and bring it into the house and sleep next to the baby pig. It didn't work because he knew I had no intention of doing that !